Ah, What are Big Sisters for? Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction
by Stargoat
Summary: Keiichi travels to an academic conference. Urd accompanies him, becoming ill from the flight. Hilarity ensues. Except for Urd. If you find this funny, she'll blow you up.


Ah, What Are Big Sisters For?

"I need a strong cup of tea or a weak Bloody Mary," said the Goddess of the Past as she held a handkerchief to her streaming nose. Urd was lying in the large bed in the small room. She was bedraggled and sick.

The flight had been horrible. There was a screaming toddler kicking the back of her seat, she had been seated next to a drunken buffoon who felt her up, and an incompetent stewardess spilled the fat drunken buffoon's gin and tonic on her. Worst of all, it turned out Earth airlines are bad enough that even a Goddess can catch a cold on long trips.

"Why couldn't we just take broomsticks, Keiichi?," Urd asked for the 12th time.

"Because it's halfway around the world and I would have frozen to death."

"I would have warmed you u, u, u...choo!," she finished with a sneeze. Urd was displeased with life, the Earth, and Keiichi in particular.

Keiichi was in Zurich presenting a paper on some damn motorcycle thing or other in connection with Nekomi Tech. Normally, Belldandy would have accompanied him, but Skuld needed a goddess to present her for school interviews in Heaven. Urd wanted to go, but Skuld would have none of it. Keiichi could have gone to Zurich on his own, indeed would rather have gone on his own, but the system force was being funny again. Well, Urd was a goddess like Belldandy as the Yggdrasil administrator for the day had pointed out in a fit of laughter. Peorth had a good time with that, but that was nothing in comparison to her mirth at the idea of Urd and Keiichi sharing a hotel room. At least someone was amused.

"Stupid boy making stupid wishes," she muttered between sneezes. "I could be warm and comfortable in home in my bed. I hate you both, Peorth and Keiichi."

Keiichi looked at her, thought to say something biting, but decided against it. He figured he was just unhappy about the lumpy and short sofa. So he changed it to "Let me see if I can get some tea for you."

As Keiichi left the room, he learned that Urd hated Switzerland. The Swiss had a throat disease, not a proper language. Their chocolate might redeemed them, but the mere idea of Schnapps was repellent declared the silver haired goddess.

The college student smiled inwardly to himself. Keiichi was pretty sure that Urd would have been more than happy to be there were it not for the cold and time change. He did, however, know better than to suggest this to Urd. After all, by the end of that flight the poor fat drunken buffoon was scared, scarred, and probably schizophrenic.

There was a Starbock's attached to the hotel lobby. Keiichi stood in line for ten minutes, got a dirty look for ordering a durchschnittlich rather than a Grande (seriously? What the heck good were all those years of German for?), and a bag of lousy tea in a paper cup of lukewarm water. Yeah, this wasn't going to cheer Urd up at all.

Keiichi chucked the drink with the famous Rhine Maiden on the side into the garbage. He walked across the street to a liquor store. He walked inside, spent way too much money, and walked out with a bottle of 15 year old single barrel Scotch.

He walked back into the hotel, took the elevator up to the 6th floor, and entered the room. Urd was naked, stepping into the washroom for a shower. Keiichi dropped the bottle of Scotch in astonishment, which shattered all over the floor. Urd looked at him, at the good scotch on the floor, sneezed, sighed, and said, "Keiichi, you're a good boy. Come over here and scrub my back."

She gave up after he spluttered continuously for 30 seconds.

* * *

They were in Zurich for five days. Keiichi was to present his paper on the afternoon of the third day. Urd could tell that Keiichi was getting nervous, but tried to be genial. She accompanied him to two lectures. Keiichi was absorbed, but Urd was bored. In the middle of a third lecture being given by a silly little man with what Urd knew to be fundamental errors in his assumptions, the Eldest of the Norn announced to the room at large, "Keiichi, I'm bored. Let's go." She grabbed Keiichi by the wrist and pulled him out of the room to the astonishment of the audience and the distress of the presenter, who became hopelessly lost in his notes and began attracting the audience's laughter.

Keiichi mounted a feeble counterattack, attempting to pull Urd back into the lecture. She ignored it, dragging him off to a taxi, a train, and eventually a table outside of a café on the shores of Lake of Zurich.

"Ok. You were right," said Keiichi, sipping his espresso. "This is nice."

"What was that?," asked Urd. "I thought you said something, but I couldn't possible have heard correctly. It sounded like a compliment. This cold must be clogging my ears." Urd cupped a hand behind her left ear, smiling innocently.

Keiichi smirked. "I said you were right. Urd-sama, Goddess Second Class Limited License was correct. Keiichi-kun, student of Nekomi Tech, was wrong."

Urd looked pleased with herself and took a sip of her mocha. A couple of boys walking near the café elbowed each other in the ribs, pointing at her. Urd preened, then sneezed into her mocha, blowing the whipped cream on the plate in front of her. The two boys laughed and walked off.

"I hate traveling," Urd growled, blowing her nose.

Keiichi made some sympathetic noises. "Can it," said Urd grumpily. A seagull swooped by. Urd considered blowing it up with an Urd-Bolt. "My face hurts. We're going back to the hotel."

* * *

Urd could feel Keiichi's tension leading up to his presentation. She tried to be solicitous but mostly failed. That boy could be so stubborn sometimes. He refused alcohol, shoulder rubs, sex, and anything else sane people used to relieve stress. Instead, he buried himself in his notes. With some amusement and a little trepidation, Urd watched Keiichi's aura shift from grey, to brown, and finally an hour before the presentation a burnt orange. He was wound up tighter than a seven day clock.

"Do your best, Keiichi. You know this material inside and out," Urd said as Keiichi stood up to walk to the front of the room to present. He smiled at her, fumbled his notes, collected them, and marched to the podium as a man might go to a firing squad.

Keiichi began poorly and soon made a hash of things. His German was only so-so. He had confused pages two and four. The Power Point (one of Hild's more diabolical inventions, Urd admitted with reluctant admiration) computer crashed after only the seventh slide and had to be rebooted. It did not sync up right away with the projector.

But worst of all, as Keiichi finally hit his stride and began to sound enthusiastic, someone from the audience interrupted. "[[Excuse me, but did you compensate for the harmonic vibrations from the clutch?]]"

"[[Uh, that's not really necessary in this case, as I'll be, uh, getting to in a moment.]]" Keiichi stuttered for a moment, and then continued.

Unfortunately, the rude person interrupted again in another moment, asking Keiichi if he was sure his math was correct. Urd took more notice this time. It was the man whose lecture she had left. Was he here for revenge on Keiichi?

When the man interrupted for a third time, asking why Keiichi was wasting everyone's time, Urd had enough. She stood up, kicked over a chair, and marched over to the small man. She looked down at him. "[Leave]," she ordered. He did not move. Urd put her foot on his chair between his legs. "[[Leav]]-choo!" She sneezed.

The man sneered. "[[Stupid woman. Take your cold and go away.]]"

Urd pulled the toupee off the man's head, blew her nose in it, and shoved it back on his head. She turned to the rest of the room. "[[Please excuse me while I resolve these additional technical problems.]]" She grabbed the man by his ear and pulled him out of the room.

Keiichi smiled, finally really relaxed, and continued with far greater success.

The next day, Urd woke up feeling much better. Keiichi, huddled up on the couch in their hotel room, was not. "Poor thing." He sneezed in his sleep. Urd reached down a hand. He had a high fever and was shivering. Urd picked him up with a strength that belied her size and put him in her bed.

Keiichi woke up about 11 AM, still with fevers and chills. He recognized he was in Belldandy's bed, but did not recall how he got there. He smelled something comfortable and good, felt a warm arm, put his head back on Urd's chest and shut his eyes.

Keiichi woke up again around 6 PM. His fever was gone. He had the strangest dream that he had been in bed next to Belldandy, but she had changed into Urd. However, he was alone now. Keiichi rolled over. The bed was large and warm. It felt good.

A moment later, the door to the hotel room flew opens and shoved all thoughts of dreams aside. Urd was pushing a cart. "Rise and shine, sleepy head. Your Nee-sama has brought food, drink… and laurels." The cart had a number of dishes and drinks on it, but in the middle of all these things was a small plaque. Keiichi's paper was runner up for best paper of the conference.

Keiichi smiled broadly. "Thank you Urd!" He jumped out of bed to hug her before he realized he was naked. Chaos ensued.

* * *

On the flight back to Tokyo, Keiichi fell asleep and slumped his head against Urd's upper arm. "I always wanted an Otouto, if just for a little while," she said quietly. "Thank you, Keiichi." Keiichi rolled over. Urd looked down annoyed. There was drool all over her arm.


End file.
